not MY plan

" For I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."     - Jeremiah 29:11

Since Last August, I have been back in school taking some prerequisite classes for the accelerated nursing program at Clemson.  Right after last semester ended, I emailed the people at Clemson for some last minute questions and found out that I would be hearing back from the admittance committee the first week of January.

I didn't really think about it over Christmas break, but on January 1st the email came to the forefront of my mind.  I had been continually praying about this process, but on January 1st my prayers changed. Jeremiah 29:11 became my constant prayer as well as peace and serenity in following God's will in whatever it may be.

On January 11th, I had just finished watching the Grey's Anatomy episode I had missed the following night and decided to go check the mail for that day.  I know it's just a TV show, but I have followed Grey's since the beginning and for the hour that I'm watching it, I am fully invested in that show. That particular episode had me tearing up a bit so I was already emotional when I went to check the mail.

Heading down to get the mail I just had this feeling I was going to get a Clemson letter in the mail. Each step toward the mailbox made my heart beat a little faster. Then, as soon as I opened the mailbox the Clemson letter was the first thing I saw. I knew right away that I had not gotten into the program because it was the smaller envelope and nowhere did it say Tiger Town Bound. As I headed back up to my apartment I opened the enveloped (in reality it was more like I ripped it open because of course the thing had to be sealed with something akin to superglue) to confirm what I already knew.

Once I read it, the tears came right away. I called my parents and one of my best friends right away, knowing that my other best friend would be home from work soon.  From opening the letter and talking to everyone, it seemed like a lot longer that an hour had passed.  Looking back, once I initially told them I didn't get in, the next thing I was said was "now I'm in all of this debt!" I think I may have been more upset about that than not getting in.

But, after that initial hour, I was all cried out and I realized that I was ok with not getting in. After talking with my parents and friends about what that meant and what comes next, I was genuinely ok and actually a little bit excited. I figured out I am going to go ahead and finish out this semester, so if it is in God's will for me to try this again, I will already have the classes done. Then, once the semester is over I am going to head back out into the workforce for awhile and get out of debt. Being back out in the workforce became more and more appealing to me as the night went on and brought a great sense of peace to me. Immediately I was able to recognize that this peace did not come from me.

"Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours."  - Mark 11:24

I had been praying for peace and serenity for whatever God's will for my life was and I had it.  My prayers were further affirmed because by Sunday night I had three different people with connections offer to help me find a job or that would send my resume out to people.  Laying in bed on that Sunday night I thought it was so fitting that I had spent so much time working with the sheet music for It Is Well With My Soul, as it was the constant refrain running through my mind:

IT IS WELL, WITH MY SOUL, IT IS WELL, IT IS WELL, WITH MY SOUL